给嫲嫲的一封信

嫲嫲，

我刚才和你说话了
你听见了吗？
你有像我想你 一样的想我吗？

你知道吗
我一直走不出没有你的日子
难过伤心时
特别的想你

只有在你的身边
我才觉得有安全感
因为我知道
无论我变成什么样子
我依然还是你的孙女
你从来没有想过放弃我
无论
以前的我
如何的顶撞你

以前的我
老是觉得你偏心
不疼我们
说些难听的话让你难过
当我长大了
我才知道
你所做的一切
都是为了我们

是我不好
从来都没有好好的为你想想
现在
后悔真的太迟了

现在的你在天堂
过的好吗？
我一直坚信
你到了天堂
因为
你是我的天使
一生的天使

最近的我
变得好奇怪
好消极

我一直试着努力的激励自己
让自己一直保持正面的思考
可是
我失败了

我好想
真的好想
回到你的身边 
一辈子
呆在你的
翅膀下
因为我知道
你爱我
胜过你爱你自己

你知道吗
最近我才发觉
原来
家里的人都不喜欢我
说我霸道
自私
他们只懂得怪我
却不试着去了解
为什么
我会变成这个样子

现在的我
是个坏女孩了
因为你不在了
没有你在我的身边提醒我
我做错了好多事


一直以来
我都以为
爱一个人
就是要爱他的所有
原来不是的
所以家里的人讨厌我了

或许是我封闭了自我
感受不到他们对我的爱
又或许
他们真的不爱我

我好怀念
我们老是坐在门前聊天
我就好像在对你说故事一样
告诉你学校里发生的事情
你总会教我对与错

每一次回家
去拜祭你的时候
我都控制不住自己的眼泪
我的心老是觉得被掏空了

现在的你
离我好远好远

我想你了
********************************
 Hi Grandma,

I just spoken to you a while ago
Can you hear me?      
Do you miss me like I miss you?

Did you know that I just can't walk away from your death
When I was sad and down
I missed you the most
 
I will only felt secured when you are around me
Now I am lost
I know that no matter what happen, how I become 
I am still your beloved granddaughter
You never think of giving up on me
Even I always quarrel with you
Make you angry   
 
 Last time, I always thought that you buyers
You don't love us
Said those bad words to hurt you
But when I growth up  
I understand that
What you did are all for our own goods

I am bad
I never stand on your shoe and think on your side
It was too late to regret and apologize

How are you in the heaven?
I always believed that you are in the heaven 
Because you are my angel
You are my angel forever

This recently
I become so emotional and demotivated

I always trying to motivate myself that everything is gonna be alright
But I lose to the fact

I always wanted to come back to you
I always wanted to hide myself under your protection
Because I know that you love me 
More than you love yourself

Now only i realized that my sisters actually don't like me
 They said I am bossy and selfish
But they never try to understand why is the reason I become like that
They will just blame on me

Without you by my side
I am the bad girl now
I did a lots of mistakes
Because you were not there to guide me and tell me what's the fact
 
All the while 
I thought that when you loved someone
You should loved all her good and bad
But in fact Nope
So they hate me they don't like me

Maybe I closed my heart 
So that I can't feel their love
Or
Maybe they really don't like me

I missed the time when every evening we will sit down together and chit chat
I was like a story teller
I will told you what's happening in school
That time 
You will tell me what is right and wrong

When I am back to hometown
I feel that something is missing
My heart is broken

Now you are far away from me
Very far away...

Grandma, I miss you
I miss being your granddaughter