How much time people usually use to forget a tragedy?

I guess I am going to use mu entire life to pay for a mistake that I been made

Ade, why are you so naive when you are young?

You always thought that you found your prince

You always wish that one day someone could love you like what you expected

But you never realize that you are the one  should love yourself more than others love you

You always promised yourself that you are going to love yourself

But did you?

You are wasting your valuable time to put yourself in the past

Help yourself to go through the past 

Can you do that?

Special for you David

He is my best friend that We can share everything

One day I felt sad and i change my status to a sad face on skype

He used to put his skype status to "away" so I never expect that he will saw what's on my status

But he concern! He realized that!

(Of course others are concern too, especially Mr P as well)

He asked me please don't be sad

Can I be happy? Please

I told him that I was fine

When I told others that I am fine 

They will just believe on me

But he know me very well. 

He asked me you are fine what about deep in heart?

Damn! He know it

He used to share some funny jokes and music every time when I am sad

I am glad that we meet David

You are one of the best gift that I had in my life...

Thank You

Dear all the friends and families,

Once again I would like to express my appreciation to all of you

Thanks for loving me

Thanks for allow me to be a part of your life

I might not a perfect families member or friends or lover

But I always wanted to improve

Please give me a second chance so that I can prove it. 

I love you guys and thanks for everything

Middle Girl

When I was in a college
I used to hang out with two buddies
A guy and a girl
R and J
We stay with each others all the time

They both are very important to me 
But J started to flirt a lots with me 
I means he is that kind of person
I am used to it and I understand that he does not really mean to date me or others stuff
He flirted me just because he felt like he wanted to 
I am sure he did with a lots of girls out there too
So that I am fine
I am really fine because it's really nothing to do with me
I mean we treated each others as a best friend

He used to gave me special nick name
"Fan Fan" which only called by him not others

But R started to get annoyed 
She does not like the way J treated me 
She is not jealous 
I mean J is not her cup of tea
Just she was so annoyed by the way me and J be
Like a couple but not a couple
A lots of my classmate thought that we are
But in fact we are not
We are too lazy to explain to others
We just let it be

Since then I was a middle girl between both of them
It ended after J quick the course and left me and R
I will still hang out with both of them in a separate way
Not together like we are in the college

J called me out to a book fair in the afternoon
He knew that I love reading 
Right after i put down the call
R called me out 
I was like ops
I promised to went out with J at the first place
But I wish to hang out with R too
They are both important to me and I really wish to spend my weekend with them
 So i suggested to R that let's go to book fair together with J
R was fine 
But J...

He was not sporting
He said he was not prepare to meet R yet 
He said he only wanted to spend his time with me
Not others else

My heart drop and I was dissapointed
I thought that finally I am able to get them both together
J asked me to called R back to reject her
I was sad but I never told J

I am really good in reject others 
Especially an important friend
But no choice
Luckily R was understandable 

:( 

How can I tell

My colleagues are planning to have the farewell party on tomorrow
Which I don't wish to join
First, because the location for the party is far from my house
It's not convenience for me to go home after the party due to I don't have my own transport
Second, I don't really wish to join them not because of I don't like my colleague
It's because of I don't have much money to join the party
I just came back from my hometown and I used a lots of money o the trip
Their salary is more higher than mine
Maybe double up...

I feel very difficult to reject them 
I don't know how can I tell them
Sigh...

Hot

The weather was getting hotter and hotter and very humid

I used to miss the sun when there is a raining season

But now

It been too hot

I always feel like myself is melting

Wish I got the habit of sleep naked but i don't

Wish the weather could be better

Eat!

The 5th day when I am home

Eating non stop and going out non stop

I felt sorry to Mr P because I din't talk much to him

But I always wanted to talk to him

When I think of gonna back to the reality soon

I am sad

No choice

"That's Life"

Fried Cheese Banana

oto

View of Tawau

Tawau is the most biggest palm oil city

Fresh Crab

Sweet & Sour Fish

Prawn

Crab

Souvenir

One day trip to Lahad Datu and Kunak with my uncle

We ate a lots of delicious food

Deer meat, sweet and sour fish and fried sotong is one of the dishes

Visit Grandma

Finally 

I got a chance to visit grandma in a graveyard

When I saw her picture 

My tears start falling

I talked to her and I hope that she will bless me as she always did in the past

I enjoy my time with my families

Especially my grandpa

Because I understand that he is the one that you loved the most

I will always miss you...

I am home!

Finally! I am home now! 

My grandpa was so happy when he saw us!

We having some good time together

We had our hometown famous food

Spending some time with my lovely cousin

I guess there is still a lots of activities coming soon...

Bad dream

God! How can i dreamed of her?!

I woke up with shock

She used to be one of my best friend during Secondary School

Unfortunately 

Things go wrong and we mess up

She treated me like an enemy 

I thought everything is gonna be okay after we left school

Who knows we study at the same college again

Damn it!

She like to bully me and during that time

She became my nightmare

She just can't get off from me

Now she appeared in my dream again

After the election there are a lots of issued coming out
About racist, about corruption and about the politician

For me I am very simple
What I need is a peaceful country
I don't really mind who rule the country
As long as they did the right things for the country and the peoples

The only things that I feel ashamed of is 
A simple country election make Malaysia a famous country
Australia, China, Taiwan, Singapore and Hong Kong (Not sure about others country)  
Treating this election as a joke

It's complicated and difficult to explain on here
Just hope that everything will be fine and I need a peaceful country to stay 

Some of my friend were saying that they wanted to migrate to others country
It works when you got a lots of money or you got a partner from oversea
No comment on this

*Please return me a peaceful country...

给嫲嫲的一封信

嫲嫲，

我刚才和你说话了
你听见了吗？
你有像我想你 一样的想我吗？

你知道吗
我一直走不出没有你的日子
难过伤心时
特别的想你

只有在你的身边
我才觉得有安全感
因为我知道
无论我变成什么样子
我依然还是你的孙女
你从来没有想过放弃我
无论
以前的我
如何的顶撞你

以前的我
老是觉得你偏心
不疼我们
说些难听的话让你难过
当我长大了
我才知道
你所做的一切
都是为了我们

是我不好
从来都没有好好的为你想想
现在
后悔真的太迟了

现在的你在天堂
过的好吗？
我一直坚信
你到了天堂
因为
你是我的天使
一生的天使

最近的我
变得好奇怪
好消极

我一直试着努力的激励自己
让自己一直保持正面的思考
可是
我失败了

我好想
真的好想
回到你的身边 
一辈子
呆在你的
翅膀下
因为我知道
你爱我
胜过你爱你自己

你知道吗
最近我才发觉
原来
家里的人都不喜欢我
说我霸道
自私
他们只懂得怪我
却不试着去了解
为什么
我会变成这个样子

现在的我
是个坏女孩了
因为你不在了
没有你在我的身边提醒我
我做错了好多事


一直以来
我都以为
爱一个人
就是要爱他的所有
原来不是的
所以家里的人讨厌我了

或许是我封闭了自我
感受不到他们对我的爱
又或许
他们真的不爱我

我好怀念
我们老是坐在门前聊天
我就好像在对你说故事一样
告诉你学校里发生的事情
你总会教我对与错

每一次回家
去拜祭你的时候
我都控制不住自己的眼泪
我的心老是觉得被掏空了

现在的你
离我好远好远

我想你了
********************************
 Hi Grandma,

I just spoken to you a while ago
Can you hear me?      
Do you miss me like I miss you?

Did you know that I just can't walk away from your death
When I was sad and down
I missed you the most
 
I will only felt secured when you are around me
Now I am lost
I know that no matter what happen, how I become 
I am still your beloved granddaughter
You never think of giving up on me
Even I always quarrel with you
Make you angry   
 
 Last time, I always thought that you buyers
You don't love us
Said those bad words to hurt you
But when I growth up  
I understand that
What you did are all for our own goods

I am bad
I never stand on your shoe and think on your side
It was too late to regret and apologize

How are you in the heaven?
I always believed that you are in the heaven 
Because you are my angel
You are my angel forever

This recently
I become so emotional and demotivated

I always trying to motivate myself that everything is gonna be alright
But I lose to the fact

I always wanted to come back to you
I always wanted to hide myself under your protection
Because I know that you love me 
More than you love yourself

Now only i realized that my sisters actually don't like me
 They said I am bossy and selfish
But they never try to understand why is the reason I become like that
They will just blame on me

Without you by my side
I am the bad girl now
I did a lots of mistakes
Because you were not there to guide me and tell me what's the fact
 
All the while 
I thought that when you loved someone
You should loved all her good and bad
But in fact Nope
So they hate me they don't like me

Maybe I closed my heart 
So that I can't feel their love
Or
Maybe they really don't like me

I missed the time when every evening we will sit down together and chit chat
I was like a story teller
I will told you what's happening in school
That time 
You will tell me what is right and wrong

When I am back to hometown
I feel that something is missing
My heart is broken

Now you are far away from me
Very far away...

Grandma, I miss you
I miss being your granddaughter